Saw the oncologist on the 5th, and I know about the same as before I saw him, with a tentative confirmation of what I already suspect. Something is pressing against the vein that feeds blood from my head back to my heart, slowing the return and causing a build up of pressure in my head if I lean forward, bend over, or exert myself otherwise. This should be taken care of with the installation of a stent, which I am awaiting an appointment for.
There is a small amount of fluid around my heart (pericardial effusion), and fairly advanced emphysema = which is hardly surprising after smoking for 56 years.
The requirement for me to have a stent installed is possibly caused by advances made by the largest tumor I had = or by a clot = or inflammation from the radiation treatments. The major tumor in my lung has been reduced by ½, the smaller tumors in my lymph nodes have disappeared, but the largest tumor in my lymph nodes may be aggressing already. That is all unclear, because they did not use the contrasting dye when they did the latest CT scan, as I had a reaction to either the dye, or the Advair I had been put on at the same time. My bet was on the Advair, the family doctor went with the dye. I think I was right, as I still had the reaction when I stopped taking steroids. They switched me from Advair to Symbicort, and no more reaction. Unfortunately, someone forgot to correlate the data, so they didn’t use the dye in the last CT scan.
Once the stent is installed, they will do another CT scan, with the dye, and give me steroids in case of a reaction. Since the only problems I am experiencing right now should be cleared up with the stent installation, there is no rush to get a look at what is going on inside = if it is the cancer aggressing, there isn’t much they can do, as I have already had all the radiation there that I can handle, and the location makes it inoperable. A little more time will just give them a better base to make estimates on, as to what is going to happen, and the time frame involved.
Regardless of the actual circumstances, I am optimistic. I have known from the start that there might not be the best of outcomes, despite the assurances of the oncologist.
I have already been blessed with a long and full life, and do not feel that things are going to end anytime soon. It would be nice to have some clear information about what is going on, and what to expect, but it really doesn’t make that much difference. They could tell me I have 40 years left, and I step in front of a bus the next day, or they could tell me it’s short time, and I go into complete remission. Neither way is going to very much change the way I face the world tomorrow. I do not look forward to things ending, but I have always tried to live so that I will have no regrets.
This is not a farewell posting by any means. It is notice that I am going to pull back from the world a bit, and do a few more personal things, put some of the gardening aside for now, and live a bit more in the now. The emphysema says that I am not going to be quite as quick off the gun, or last quite as long at what ever I am doing, and the calendar has been telling me I can’t pack as much as I used to, or as fast, but I will still do what I want to = just a little slower.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
This is still the way I look at things.
And the adventure continues.
You are right, "it is still a beautiful world"
ReplyDeleteWish you all the best.
Hopefully with coming gardening seasons.
You inspire me. thank you for touching my heart with all you do.
ReplyDeleteDan-
ReplyDeleteThank you for all you have contributed to the garden community!
Jay Tracy
scientificgardener.blogspot.com
I am sad to report that Dan McMurray passed away on February 15, 2012 at his home in Wynndel, British Columbia. Dan was 69 years old.
ReplyDeleteThe funeral service was held on Wednesday February 22, 2012 at the G.F. Oliver Funeral Chapel, with Pastor Brian Atmore officiating.
At the service, Dan's brother Cameron read the following eulogy.
EULOGY - DAN MCMURRAY
An adventurer at heart and a generous and kind man by nature, Dan will be dearly missed
by all those who have come to know him.
Dan lived life to its fullest, loved fishing, and loved being in remote places, or in his
garden and orchard. When he was retiring from the lighthouses in 2002, he went onto
his computer on the lighthouse and researched weather patterns to find a place with the
best climate for gardening and growing grapes. He found Wynndel, with its long growing
season and good soil, and when he retired from 28 years of service as BC lighthouse
keeper, settled in Wynndel.
Dan took to gardening much like everything he did – forcefully and wholeheartedly.
Many hours he labored in his garden and green house, and he became passionate about
preserving heritage seeds. He developed and grew over 400 varieties of tomatoes and
collected many seeds of vegetable varieties. He shared the harvest from his garden and
orchard with his neighbors, friends, and local churches.
Dan never shied away from challenging tasks, be it growing tomatoes, or the curve balls
life threw at him. He was widowed twice, but in his mid-sixties he fell in love again with
a woman named Shaoling, and he was happier than I’ve seen him in decades. Not a man
of words, he demonstrated his love for his friends and family by his actions.
He is survived by his beloved wife Shaoling, his brother Cameron and sister Vicki, his
his sons Cameron and Grant, and granddaughter Cherine.
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Stories of Dan and his life as a gardener, fisherman, lighthouse keeper and beloved family member were shared by the funeral attendees, and the poem "Desiderata" - which epitomized so much of Dan's life - was read.
The heritage seeds that Dan collected and catalogued are being catalogued, and his work will be carried on by a local seed bank.
I love the way you look at life - very inspiring and very beautiful. Continue to stay strong and i wish you the best. We can’t tell the future, but it is always possible that there will be a good outcome with some guidance.
ReplyDelete